


Hold on to Me

by replicanon



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Boypussy, Canon Echoes, Childhood Trauma, Cunnilingus, Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Destiny Islands (Kingdom Hearts), Disturbing Themes, Dubious Consent, Emotionally Repressed, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Other, Psychological Horror, Sex, Shame, Shotacon, Tropical Gothic, Unsettling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replicanon/pseuds/replicanon
Summary: It starts as all Riku's favorite stories do; on a dark and stormy night.
Relationships: Ansem Seeker of Darkness | Xehanort's Heartless/Riku, Heartless/Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Heartless/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 41





	Hold on to Me

**Author's Note:**

> This concept has been haunting me since Halloween. OooOOOOoooh.
> 
> Typo corrections appreciated. Hope you enjoy.

It starts as all his favorite stories do; on a dark and stormy night. Riku and Sora had been down on the beach when the storm hit, the deluge so sudden they'd had no chance to get inside before it struck. Usually Riku would have seen it coming, all islanders capable of reading the sky—even a five year old like him.

Yet somehow, he hadn't.

It wasn't so bad at least. The journey home was not a difficult one by his reckoning, and if Sora was scared of storms, well, Riku wasn't scared of anything. The waves that slammed against the shore were nothing, the wind howling in the trees was nothing, the thunder, the lightning, the rain were nothing. The clouds rushed in and blacked out the stars and drowned the whole world in darkness.

And darkness too was nothing.

Hand in hand they made their way back home. The gale plucked at their shirts and shorts, hair, sand and salt stinging their eyes. The wind nearly lifted them off the ground, could have cast them into the sea—a barrier to home. Yet onward they went until they stood amidst houses, though Riku only knew by the rattling of wood, the hammer of debris against stone. Everything else was lost in shadow. The wind had blown out all the lights.

It happened then, the strangest thing—or so he'd thought at the time. The wind changed rapidly and Riku was buffeted on all sides, any sense of direction blown away in the chaos of the maelstrom. Somehow he still heard Sora wailing, felt his fingers grip tighter and then—

Thunder boomed and lightning struck. A fork so bright it blinded Riku seared the sky.

Sora shrieked and let go.

When the world returned to darkness Riku saw nothing, the lightning robbing the last of his night vision. The wind screamed on and on, the rain pounded. It was so loud his ears ached, and he could no longer hear the houses shake. He could no longer hear Sora.

It was like neither building nor boy were there anymore.

Frustrated, Riku flung his hands out, found nothing. "Sora!" He called. "Sora!" But the gale snatched his voice away, and he doubted Sora would've heard him if he were standing at by his side. But where is he?

And then, with that thought, something blossomed in Riku's chest—his first seed of fear.

It made him reach out, stumble on. He had faced the dark many times, had conquered it, reveled in it, delighted in it. He had leaped at Sora from shadows and snuck out into the night to test his courage and play games by himself. He knew the dark, he owned the dark. He could find Sora no matter where he was in it.

He reached out, and something grabbed him.

Riku's heart stopped.

A flash of lightning. A shape—a man, towering. Golden shadow, silver light, amber eyes glowing in the night. In that brief moment Riku saw him smile.

Then the dark rushed back in.

Riku understood why people thought firsts were so important then.

His second seed of fear bloomed in to many.

When they'd found him next morning Riku had been on the far edge of town. He sat slumped on the stairs of a house on stilts, soaked to the bone. He shivered, but he didn't remember feeling cold. He didn't remember anything from that morning really, except the moment he'd looked up into Sora's eyes, staring endlessly down at him.

Riku stared back. He couldn't blink. His heart thundered at the very idea of it. Shadows waited behind closed eyes, shadows with a thousand hands, touching for hours and hours and hours. It was never more than a caress, but they bled into each other, endless threat.

He couldn't blink. He couldn't, but Sora's eyes burned so blue he'd had to look away.

Voices spoke over his head. Riku heard none of it, except what Sora told him. He had braved the storm and gotten home.

"It was like there was a light inside my chest telling me I had to keep going. I thought you'd beaten me there, so I didn't wait." A pause. "You always beat me at things."

Riku said nothing.

"You know what though?" Sora said. "I don't think I'm afraid of the dark anymore."

What irony, Riku'd thought, that now nothing scared him more. 

A few years pass, Kairi arrives, and Riku's favorite stories no longer start with 'on a dark and stormy night'. He recovers from the incident, though not enough to go out at night. Sora wonders sometimes, how much of his courage actually came back.

"It's not brave to play outside at night, Sora, just stupid," he says, and denies to himself why he says it. "If you want to show others you're brave, you have to do things that require strength, speed, smarts."

"I don't see how dangling off the paopu tree over the water by your ankles the longest shows your smarts," Sora complains.

"Yeah, but it shows your strength. What good does running around hitting your head in the dark do?" Riku shakes his head. "And half the time you want to go out without a lantern! You're silly Sora, and that's why I'm the one the grown-ups trust."

His words are callous enough to have Sora fuming, which is just what he needs. It's a feint, a distraction—a moment for Riku to calm his heart. It rattles in his ribs, terrified of what's coming. The day he'll have to prove it—

I' m not afraid of the dark.

Life goes on otherwise. The island remains unchanged in the wake of the storm, and the routines of its people are as repetitive as always. Riku earns the privilege of rowing his own boat—something else to hold over Sora when he gets too close to the truth—which is a small mercy in an otherwise stifling existence. The play island provides some respite, and Sora, Kairi, and his other friends are all fun. He enjoys himself, mostly.

But it's all so boring and Riku doesn't understand why.

Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why did it happen? What was the point? Why am I weak? 

What would it take for me to be strong?

What would it take to make it like that night never happened?

He thinks about it sometimes, lying in bed with his sheets dragged up to his chin. They won't protect him, but he still keeps them there while tropical storms rage and the air grows so thick it sticks to his skin like so many hands. It always makes him think of sleepovers, and how he can't go to them anymore in case Sora notices. He tries to pretend it's because he's grown out of them.

I wish I had. But instead he spends his time alone, longing and thinking, thinking, thinking.

Sometimes, he hears the grown-ups talking.

He's nearly nine years old, don't you think he's acting strange? So mature one second then so childish the next. 

Maybe that's just what he's like? I knew some kids like that when I was young.

I don't know. He's a funny boy, that Riku...

Riku ignores them. He makes plans with Kairi and Sora instead, to leave the islands one day. By that time he hopes he's no longer scared of storms. He makes sure his friends know how to turn seawater into something potable, how to find food and build shelter fast. He trusts Sora to teach Kairi how to navigate the stars. He plays wrestling games and races them, shows them how to fight with sticks and wooden swords. 

He won't be caught off guard again. They won't be caught off guard ever.

Yet life isn't all preparation disguised as play. He stills like playing games for the sake of it, and there are times he lazes about with his friends just cause, making garlands for Kairi or scratching pictures into stone. Those times are so sweet he almost remembers who he was before the storm, remembers his unabashed delight, his confidence, his belief in himself.

But sometimes when the days are hot and he has to hide in the shade, or the clouds roll in, or black takes the sky, he remembers. Hands, so many hands, barely touching but always there, and whispers licking into his ear all night long.

You are of the darkness, boy.

The messenger of light will give you to me.

I will show you true strength. I will show you your true strength.

You are mine.

You will always be mine.

The words haunt him. They also make him feel strange; a tightness in his chest, a funny feeling between his legs. On hot afternoons he'll slip a hand down, press against it when the others aren't looking. Sometimes at night he lies on his stomach and rocks his hips into his bed. The fear eases and something else builds, something weird but wonderful.

Then he remembers how the man loomed and smiled, the words, You're mine, echoing in his mind. Riku stops. It doesn't. The voice is always with him, even in his dreams. 

He locks the doors and windows, keeps the lamp in the corner on, but whenever night comes the world is still too dark and Riku too alone. There is only him, and the quiet, and the promise of the voice.

Still he'll never tell. If he finds his strength again he'll be okay, but if he tells anyone then that's it. To that person he will never be strong, and the illusion of his prowess will be shattered before he can make it truth. He can't do that. He can't be weak forever.

So it's okay. He'll go on alone. He'll survive.

And those are the thoughts Riku has when, one dark and silent night, someone knocks at his window.

It was Sora. Of course it was Sora.

Riku doesn't know what to expect the first time he comes calling. Usually Sora begs him to come play at night when the sun's still bright and high in the sky. By the time evening rolls around he's done with Riku's excuses and typically toddles off to complain to Kairi until her father sends him home. It's been years since Sora's knocked on his window after dark, the last time being just after the storm when he knocked and knocked and knocked and Riku never answered. Since then he'll sneak in the back door or climb in another window, or just knock on the front door when he has permission to be over.

But he doesn't knock on Riku's window.

That fact alone gives Riku just enough courage to go look. He knows it's Sora by his voice, calling quietly. He hisses when he throws back the curtains, blinded by the flashlight shoved awkwardly under Sora's arm as he balances in the tree outside. Even sleeping with a lamp on doesn't protect one's eyes from such abuse.

It's irritating, and when he opens the window his fear gives way to anger. "Why are you here Sora?"

Sora, oblivious, only says, "I found something cool. You gotta come see it."

"Can't it wait 'til morning?"

"They only come out at night."

Riku pauses. There's something cold in his blood. "Nothing good comes out after dark, Sora. It's not safe and you should go home."

Sora shrugs, smiles. "They haven't hurt me. I don't think they can."

Almost, Riku wants to go just to protect him, but fear wins out. Besides, this wouldn't be the first time Sora's tried to prank him and Riku knows he's been wanting him to come and play at night for years. With that in mind he tells him to go away and shuts the window in his face. He doesn't open it again, not even when Sora knocks.

The second and third times are much the same, right on each other's heels. Riku opens the window then shuts it again, swiftly fed up with Sora's games. The fourth time Sora knocks he doesn't answer.

Sora pesters him about it during the day. He doesn't bother Kairi at all, and when Riku's had enough of his poking and prodding he finally snaps and asks why. All Sora does his look away and whisper, "I don't think this is something a girl would want to do."

"Then what about Tidus? Wakka?" Riku complains. "You don't usually care about what girls wouldn't want to do."

Sora shakes his head. "I like the other three, and everyone else, but you two are my best friends." He doesn't respond to his other statement.

Riku sighs, snatching a stick off Sora to draw shapes in the sand. "I don't wanna play this stupid game with you Sora. I don't wanna see whatever stupid prank you've set up."

Sora bows his head. "It's not a game..."

"Yeah, right," Riku throws the stick down and walks away. He doesn't talk to Sora for a little while after that.

In the weeks that follow things get strange. Sora seems his normal self when they start talking again, but then he changes. He starts playing less and less. When they're fighting he'll just stop, and Riku will hit him too hard with his sword. The others will chase him around the island, angry, calling him a bully while Kairi fusses over Sora. Then there's the times he'll be washing the salt off in the island's spring and go still, and even when Riku calls to him he won't answer. Riku has to drag him out to make sure he doesn't get cold and sick, or collapse and drown.

"What's wrong with you?" He hisses.

Sora blinks, shrugs. "Just thinking."

"Well think about what you're doing!" Riku exclaims and strides off. He ignores the way Sora's eyes burn into his back. I'm not playing your games.

Mostly though, Sora just goes away a lot. He walks up to the little islet all alone, watches the daytime waves and the sun as it bleeds into the water at dusk. He doesn't talk when Riku sits with him, but sometimes he'll speak to Kairi.

Just once, Riku overhears them.

"Are you alright?" Kairi asks.

"Yeah," Sora says, eyes on the hazy horizon. "I'm just wondering."

"Wondering?"

"What do you think the darkness is, Kairi?"

"Huh," she leans back, head tilted to look at the sky. The wind catches in her hair, as red as the sinking sun. "I think it's a place to hide."

"To hide?"

"Yeah."

"What hides in it?" Sora cocks his head.

"Hmm, lots of things. Bad people and sad people mostly, or maybe people who just like to be left alone."

"And how do you tell them apart?" There's an eagerness to his voice then, one Riku hasn't heard in a while. "The bad people and the sad people and the ones who just want to be left alone?"

Kairi shrugs. "I don't know."

The moment dies and Sora goes quiet. The wind fades to a breeze, one that plays oddly with the trees. The shadows dance upon the ground, slow, strange, sun unable to banish their misshapen forms. It makes Riku ill. They all need to go soon, and he doesn't want to be here, but still he doesn't interrupt. He wants to hear if there's more.

"What do you think the light is?" Sora asks, breaking the silence.

Kairi hums. "I dunno. Too much and not enough maybe, although sometimes it's just right."

"What does that mean?" That's a good question.

"It means that things in the darkness don't deal well with the light. Bad people, but also sad people and people who just want to be left alone. Too much light blinds everyone, but too little and it gets swallowed up."

"But sometimes it's just right?"

"Sometimes..." Her voice goes so soft Riku can barely hear it. "Sometimes, if someone in the darkness reaches out, then the light will be there for them, and then everything is just right."

They both look out over the water, the waves disconcertingly silent to Riku.

"Do you think the light should know the darkness, Kairi?"

"Probably. It won't know what the darkness looks like when it's reaching out otherwise, and then how will it reach back?"

The conversation ends there, both Sora and Kairi falling into silence. 

Riku doesn't call out to them. Instead heads to the docks, watching the shadows on the water through the cracks in the pier while he waits. The sound of waves against wood seems wrong to him, eerie. He doesn't know why. 

When Kairi and Sora come down he rows them all back to the mainland, then runs home to curl up in his bed and shiver himself to sleep. 

It's the fourth anniversary of that dark and stormy night when Riku caves. He still doesn't want to go with Sora, still thinks it's stupid and dangerous but—

Sora isn't talking anymore. Kairi's noticed. The other kids have noticed. Sora puts up a front around the adults, but that's it. He won't play with them on island or on the mainland. He walks off alone into the trees, and the few times Riku sneaks after him, all he sees is Sora sitting and mumbling to himself. Now and then his hands go to the waistband of his pants, and when they do Riku looks away, blushing. He doesn't need to see that. He doesn't want to, does he?

I'm not going to look, he thinks, so it doesn't matter.

Sora comes by his window a few more times. It's sporadic, no real rhyme or reason to the times he chooses. Riku keeps track anyway. It's how he knows it's the thirteenth visit when he finally gives in.

Unlucky thirteen, on this night of all nights.

But he still opens the window when Sora knocks.

"Come with me," he says. "Please."

Riku isn't sure if it's his words or the silence that finally gets to him.

He dresses and grabs his flashlight. Its batteries are working thankfully, and its beam is pretty strong for such a small torch. He wishes Sora had one too, but all he's carrying is a lantern. It gives a little light, but it's spooky, its glow more creepy than comforting. Still he's grateful for it when Sora guides him out the window and down the few streets it takes to get to the edge of town, where all light fades.

The moon isn't out. The stars are hidden behind the clouds.

It's a dark, dark night.

Riku's hands are clammy where they're wrapped around the flashlight. He's got a knife rather than a toy sword hidden up his jacket's sleeve, eyes continually catching odd movements just out of sight as he trails behind Sora. All the fingers of wood and gnarled bits of tree sway wrong in the wind.

He's so busy looking at the branches he doesn't realize there is no wind until they're beyond the edge of town.

Something grabs his wrist. He jumps, nearly yanks the blade out of his sleeve to stab whatever has him—catches himself when he realizes it's Sora. He's staring, half-turned back. Riku trembles, and he can tell his attempt to look stiff and strong as a board doesn't pass muster because Sora smiles, teasing. It's a little sick, all things considered.

"You really are scared of the dark, aren't you?"

"N—No! I'm not scared of something so silly."

Sora shakes his head, and the hairs on Riku's neck stand on end. It's wrong—the way he moves doesn't look at all like Sora, a little too refined. Still he doesn't pull his wrist out of Sora's grip, propelled along by a trust he cannot justify. It's not Sora, but it is. He wants to be angry at him, shout at him for touching him and being strange, but he can't.

Maybe he just doesn't want to be alone.

The trees are thicker here, clustered close together. Despite that, it's not quite a wood, and gives way to a clearing soon enough. There, before them, lies the old abandoned mansion.

When they were young the elders told them not to come here, told them stories of the odd family that lived there once upon a time. The details of their lives were never made clear, but all children knew their eventual fate—succumbing to darkness. Riku can still hear the old folk's words. Do not go there, they said, it is a forsaken place, where those who do far worse than dwell in darkness gather.

So of course he and Sora and all their friends had explored the mansion and its entire grounds before Riku had turned five. They'd gone from the attic to the basement, through all the sheds, and dug up the sand and dirt near the trees to see if anything was buried beneath them.

There'd been nothing. Riku had laughed.

Now he shudders as Sora leads him forward. He hasn't come here since those childish attempts at exploration, his memories of that stormy night keeping him far from the mansion and all other eerie places beyond the edge of town. It looms, its white walls simple, elegant, its windows dark. The lamps are lit, throwing golden light and deep shadows against the house, glow catching on the edge of glassy panes. Riku's heart thunders, loud in his ears.

"Who lit—"

"I did," Sora says. "Come on."

"Sora I—"

"Shhh, it's okay," and when Sora turns back it's him, the ghost of that strange 'other' absent in his warm, summer sky eyes. "Trust me Riku. By the end of tonight you'll be okay. You'll finally have your answer."

"My answer to what?"

"To whether you can be strong again."

"Sora—" Riku stops, and it's then Sora turns back to face him properly. He puts down his lantern and takes both of Riku's hands, unperturbed by the fact one is still wrapped around his flashlight. It feels ritualistic almost, like something sacred. Or maybe unholy would make more sense. Riku wants to run and hide, except the only place to hide here is in darkness, and the shadows are still shifting strangely at the corner of his eyes.

"You remember that night four years ago?" Sora asks. Riku swallows, nods. "When I lost you I got so scared. I thought the storm had swept you away, and I thought it would sweep me away too."

"But you said you thought I beat you home," Riku mutters.

"That was later. In the moment I didn't know. I reached out to you, calling your name over and over. The weirdest thing was I could feel you reaching back, but it wasn't right. It felt like you'd forgotten something, like you'd reached for me and forgotten yourself."

"I don't understand," Riku frowns, palms sweating in the heat of Sora's hands.

Sora smiles. "That's okay. I think that's what tonight's about, y'know. This is about more than just showing you what I've been doing." Riku jumps when Sora lays a hand over his heart. His chest is glowing, warm and bright, so unlike anything Riku holds inside his own. "You see, there's a reason I couldn't reach you then. I was scared for both of us, wanted us both to be safe. I was afraid of everything back then, but still I was willing to face it for you. That's when I heard something: a voice. It said to me, your heart is the light, your heart is the key, it will open the door and set you both free. Then my chest felt warm and the light you see now emerged and guided me home, to safety. It wasn't until next morning—when I realized you never made it home—exactly what it was trying to tell me."

"What was it telling you?" Riku asks. Why couldn't you reach me? He wonders.

"That I have to follow my heart to save you."

Riku shivers. It feels like the fear that blossomed in his chest all those years ago has turned to vines, strangling his chest, his throat. Still he forces himself to speak. "Why didn't you tell me?" He stammers, then feels stupid. He knows why.

"You wouldn't have believed me. Something happened to you that night—" And Sora's eyes dart to Riku's then, so sure, so certain, that even though Riku's never said anything he feels like Sora knows, "—but you wouldn't have believed what happened to me. If I'd tried to talk about it you'd have rejected me. Knowing I knew something happened to you would upset you, and knowing something good had happened to me would have hurt you. You put up walls and you do things alone." Sora looks away then, finally. "I guess you don't realize that by doing things alone, you make the people who want to help you have to do things alone too."

There's nothing he can say. He knows Sora is right.

"Trust me," Sora says, squeezes his hands then lets go.

Riku's not sure he can but he follows him anyway.

They don't go into the house. Instead Sora heads straight down one side, where the right wall of the house is attached to two others, forming an alcove. Ahead lie a couple of large wooden doors—trapdoors, leading down to the basement. Riku remembers them, remembers the creaking wooden steps just inside that descend straight down into darkness. It went deep enough that, even with a light, even in the day, you couldn't quite see the bottom.

He goes to help Sora lift them, each dragging one to the side. They don't whine like they once did, but they clatter, each catching on the wall as they fall open. Sora takes up his lantern and heads straight in, pausing only when he notices Riku still standing outside.

The basement. It had been nearly impossible to see anything during the day. Now, there was nothing to see except a great gaping maw of darkness, bottomless as the deepest seas. There was no way to tell what lurked inside, no way to see what crawled and crept, lying in wait, hiding.

"You can stay here if you want but it won't help you. What you need to see lies inside." Sora turns away, shoulders hunched, voice soft. "Don't—don't be grossed out by what happens, okay? I promise it feels good and it's the safest way to reach out to them—the only way, really. It's just...how things are."

"Sora?"

"I'm going down. If you wait here, you'll be alone again. I can't make you come with me, but...I wouldn't want to stay out here by myself."

At his last words Riku's eyes snap back, half-turned to look around him. He's close to the entrance of the alcove, can see just beyond its walls. There's the woods lurking around the house, the weedy grass of the clearing, bits and pieces of the mansion proper all within his sight. The lamp's fires flicker and make everything sway, but the shadows are dancing from more than the flames. Something else is moving out there.

Something else is there.

When he turns back Sora is gone, and his light has nearly faded.

"Sora!" He hisses, heart hammering as he scurries after him. There's no point trying to hide his fear. Sora knows he's afraid, and no amount of performance can take back that knowledge, and honestly he'd rather stumble into this gaping maw with him than stand outside alone, courageous facade in place, waiting for whatever lies in the woods.

He doesn't want to walk at the back, so he hurries, soft and quick on the stairs until he's standing beside Sora. Shame gutted by fear, he gives into instinct and wraps a hand in Sora's jacket. He glances back up, sees the path back to night and the strange, unnatural light of the lamps, shudders—slips.

Riku doesn't even have time to shriek, Sora catching him with one arm. His flashlight slips through his fingers and falls, falls, falls until it hits the bottom and shatters, a sudden, sharp sound swiftly swallowed by silence. Riku doesn't see if it illuminated anything before it died.

"Sora..." He breathes, trembling.

"It's okay," Sora soothes, "we should stop here anyway. This is as good a spot as any for what I want to show you, and if we go down too far the darkness might be too much even for me..."

Any questions Riku has vanish the moment Sora puts down his lantern and begins undressing. First his shoes, then his pants, and Riku's face is burning. "Sora!" He exclaims, but Sora pays him no mind, slipping out of his underwear. Riku is still stammering when Sora finally looks back at him, cheeks flushed and naked from the waist down. Seeing his face makes it worse somehow, all the funny thoughts Riku was never supposed to have rushing back. 

Sora in his new red one-piece with a zipper that goes all the way down. It's so big it'll still fit him in five years, but right now it makes him look adorably small.

Sora bending over while he's standing and Riku's sitting just so, catching a glimpse up his shorts. Oh. No. Yes.

Sora and him shirtless, wet from the water and lying tangled on the beach, heaving chests pressed together. Riku feels like they could become one, all his flaws erased as he sinks beneath Sora's skin.

Riku's breath catches, but even the sweetest memories and imagined happenings can't compare to the real thing. Sora's eyes burn into his, like they can see every dirty thing he's thinking, like they can see everything Riku is.

"It feels good," he repeats, "just trust me. You have to face what you fear Riku. It has to touch you in the deepest way, fill you up and then—then you'll know, I guess, if your heart can find it's way back to the light. If you can face yourself and survive."

Shivers wrack Riku, but he can do nothing but stare as Sora turns away and crouches on the stairs, waits, waits—

There. That's when Riku sees them, something crawling up the stairs in the dark. Every hair stands on end but he can't run—a look back reveals the world outside is darker, looming, and somehow he is certain he is safer here with Sora than out there in the night alone.

And there's only one light, he thinks, eyes flitting to the lantern. I can't run without it, but I won't—I couldn't leave Sora—

His mind falters on the thought. It's just something he can't do.

So he turns back, eyes wide, breath short, and watches as the thing on the stairs finally crawls beyond the mass of darkness.

Its small, a tiny creature made of shadow. It moves on all fours, twitching, erratic. The tiny feelers on its head reach out, closer, closer until they brush against the skin of Sora's thighs. Sora's breath hitches, thighs parting just that little more. The creature blinks, once, twice, golden eyes disturbing, then creeps forward.

Licks.

Its tiny tongue flicks out over and over, lapping at Sora's pussy. There's nothing Riku can do or say, so he watches, silent. He can see Sora's folds from where he stands, see the way the shadow licks over them, soft, slow, before parting them. A strange buzz fills the air, Riku's stomach growing warm. 

Sora starts trembling, whining. "Feels good..." he murmurs, tilting his head back to look at Riku. His eyes are watery, hazy with pleasure. "They're—unh—they're a little scared of me, but they're curious. It's because I'm—ngh!" He breaks off, panting, head lolling. "It's because I'm the light. They want what they once had, what they can't have..."

Riku nods but doesn't understand. He stuffs one hand between his legs and presses hard the next time Sora whines, stares as the creature pushes even closer, tongue disappearing from sight.

Inside. It's inside Sora.

He jumps when more shadows creep from the darkness, free hand going to his jacket sleeve. They don't attack though, only clamber on top and around their fellow, clinging to Sora's legs. They lick, trying to push each other out of the way for a taste of the boy before them. There's more waiting in the darkness, but Sora's right—whatever the light in his heart is, it keeps most of the darkness at bay.

But in the light from Sora's lantern Riku sees his shadow. The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes. The words come to him, unbidden. Is he my light? Am I his shadow? Is that what we became on that night?...

He doesn't know. All he knows is that something strange exists between him and Sora, both of them touched.

He rubs between his legs, fingers forcing the fabric of his shorts against the natural dips and curves of his body. He doesn't put his hand in his pants, knows he can't handle that yet. Outside works well enough, stomach tying itself in knots as he touches himself in time with Sora's gasps. He's squirming, the little group of shadows leaving him weak. The one in the middle seems to be making him happiest, Sora's toes curling as it grinds its face into his crotch. There's another shadow on top of that one that's focusing on Sora's clit and Riku—

Riku wants. He wants tongues and touches and heat in his belly. He wants to feel good—like the hands, like grinding against his bed, like thinking of Sora bare in the surf—but can he? Shouldn't he be ashamed of something like this?

His stomach roils and suddenly, he is. But Sora said I had to face my darkness. Is feeling good my darkness? Or is that the bad feelings I get when I feel good? Is it something else?

Sora said it had to touch him in the deepest way. Fill him up, and then he'd know. But what if it overwhelms me? What does that mean? Nothing Sora said made much sense. What'll happen to me?

A—Ah!" Sora's cry brings him back just in time to see his whole body tense before something squirts onto the shadow's face. Riku's mouth falls open, but the creature doesn't seem to mind. It draws back and licks itself, the other shadows skulking nearer to taste it and then Sora, tongues dragging over his thighs and pussy. Sora gasps, but it's less sweet this time and the shadows pull back.

"S—Sora?" Riku asks when he says nothing.

Sora smiles, face serene, warm and lazy. "It's really nice, y'know. I like to let the curious ones taste me, just in case that little bit of light I give them brings them back from the dark." His smile turns a little sad, brow creasing. "Even if it doesn't I—I don't want to leave them behind. If they can't come back, I want them to at least remember what light was like, and that it loves them."

Riku nods, but he's not following, still breathless. He feels like someone's poked holes in his lungs, fear and funny feelings stabbing them until he can't fill them up properly. Sora doesn't seem worried though, just smiling and waiting, expectant. "It feels good," he repeats.

Riku shivers, caves.

Slowly, carefully, he takes everything below the waist off; shoes, socks, pants, underwear. The cool air against his unclothed body makes him shudder, but he tries to be brave, forces his chin up as he goes to where Sora sits and crouches down beside him.

"Ahhh, Riku," Sora tuts, shakes his head. He reaches out, no warning, and grabs Riku's thighs to pull them apart. His fingers curl around, brush the inside, and Riku gasps, pleasure and shock tangling in his stomach. Even so, shame still has him grab the hem of his jacket and drag it down, hiding himself. "They need to be able to smell you Riku," Sora complains. "If you want this to work you have to let them in."

"I—I don't really get how letting them in is supposed to help me," Riku confesses, eyes on the mass of darkness. There's something moving in there, something greater than the creatures that had tended to Sora. "Is this how I face it? Get rid of it?"

"It's complicated," Sora says, looking down into the basement's depths. "I can't explain it. In our most desperate moments we understand who we are and what we need, Riku, but beyond that you have to figure this out yourself. Sometimes you can tell someone something, but for this I—" His voice breaks, and for a second Riku sees that spark of light in Sora's chest again, comforting, consoling him, "—I won't leave you."

But he can't tell me. Riku inhales, exhales. Some things you never really understand unless you experience them yourself. And this is about my darkness. He trembles, but he lets go of his jacket's hem and clutches his chest instead, legs wide.

It starts with a single shadow. Sora's ones have crept to the side, this new darkness crawling up from the mass below. Riku peeks down at it, one eyes closed, thighs shaking. It's soft, velvet smooth as it rubs against him. It's shivering too, unlike the shadows that touched Sora. Riku can almost understand it; feelings beyond curiosity, beyond fear or that desire for the sweet-strange taste of light.

No, this shadow can smell what feeds it, what sustains it.

This shadow can smell kin.

Riku cries out at the first touch. Without his clothes as barrier it's almost too much, his body unused to direct contact. The shadow doesn't stop though, nuzzling closer as it laps over his crotch. It's gentle though, shockingly so, and Riku finds himself lulled. He doesn't understand it but he almost feels safe, the creature's tongue as soothing as it is frightening.

Perhaps it's because we're alike, hurting as much as we heal, nurturing and draining and nurturing. Protection, possession.

Maybe it understands—the fear in his heart, the pain. Maybe the same aches resonate inside it, something only those in the darkness know. Bad people and sad people and people who just want to be alone. Secret desires, secret fears, all he denied before and after that night. I hated it, I liked it, was it real, was it fake? Am I strong, am I weak? What should I have done? Am I better than Sora? Am I jealous of Sora? Do I want to be him, or do I just want him?

Am I good? Am I bad?

Will anyone find me down here?

Do I want them to?

"Ah!" A gasp escapes, accidental, as more creatures pile on top and around the first. Riku awakens from the haze, aware enough to see more—many more—creeping out of the darkness. Their tongues flick out, all eager to taste, intent to sip him like the finest wine. That thought makes Riku tingle, a flash of warmth in his belly. How nice it is to be the finest again, to be loved and adored and unafraid of silly things like the dark.

How nice it is to feel special, tainted in a grown up way. The desire in him turns dangerous. I'll prove I'm strong, that I can endure anything, face everything...

Even myself? A part of him wonders distantly. Even this shameful side of me?

All sense flees his mind, shame kindling a fire with the desire in his stomach. The creatures' tongues lick up his thighs, tiny claws pushing them further apart so more can pile between them. There's so many, but all Riku can focus on is the one licking up his crotch, swirling around his clit before pressing inside. He clenches his toes, fingers curling in his jacket.

There are hands on him then, real hands, holding him from behind. He flushes when they remove his shirt, stealing his jacket and blade to leave him bare, but then he feels Sora's naked body against his back and all upset fades. He's so warm, embrace perfectly soft.

"I've got you," he says. "I promise I'll hold on to you. All you have to do is choose if you'll hold on to me."

The words go over Riku's head, though Sora's voice in his ear is soothing. One hand strays into his hair and it's perfect, the other still wrapped around him tightly. With more skin bared the creatures pile on, shadows swarming all over him. They are smooth, soft against him, their sweet skin leaving him hypersensitive, overstimulated. They latch onto his nipples and nuzzle against his stomach. Several clamber under his legs, lifting them for better access, touching him everywhere.

"U—Uh—" His voice catches. He can't manage words, but sounds keep spilling out. His whole body shivers when he feels the shadow between his legs move, climbing up his body so it can hold on to his waist. Riku can feel something rubbing against him, the creature's slick folds pressed against his own. It's like humping his bed but so, so much sweeter. He whines, trembles, moving his hips just so he can feel more.

It's then something hard slips out of the creature's folds.

"W—Wait," Riku stutters, I don't think—"

The creature ignores him and pushes inside. Riku gasps. Other shadows grab hold of it and meld, sinking into their kin to form a larger creature as it finds its pleasure in Riku, Riku falling deeper into his own. He succumbs, whimpering even as Sora holds him, presses his cheek against his hair and whispers, "I'm here, I'm here."

The shadow fills him just right, their darkness and his merging into one. He finally understands just how they see him as kin; kin is denial, is desire. Riku opens his legs wider, squeezes the creature inside him. It wants more, he wants more. Shadows succumb to Shadow. Darkness begets Darkness.

All Darkness is one and I will be part of it.

It's his last thought before the creature starts to pound, thrusting as deep inside as it can go. There is no pain, only pleasure, and Riku is left a whining, drooling mess, eyes watering as tendrils of shadow seek out his clit, touching it even as it takes him. The creature grows bigger, inside him and out, always just enough, always looming larger.

There are no words for what Riku feels, so he cries, sobs. His stomach is so full, his crotch is so full, even his other hole has been filled by the shadows. He is caught between it and Sora, everything in him torn a thousand ways, all rushing to completion. He can feel something coming closer, closer until finally—

Riku moans as his body surrenders, tingling, pleasure spilling. Everything is twitching, his pussy tightening around the dick inside him, wet dripping on the stairs and shadows beneath him. His mind is on the edge of nothing, body on the edge of sleep when he sees what the creature has become.

The man.

The man from the stormy night.

Riku screams. He screams but he can't get away, the darkness holding him down. The shadows have all coalesced, tendrils wrapping around him, and the man has stolen the place of the largest of the creatures. He's still inside, still in Riku's hole, thick and massive and burning. The pleasure remains, but Riku is sensitive and the man's size makes him sting, ache. His hearts pounds wildly in his chest, terrified of the man's smile, of his hands, of his golden eyes that gleam like lightning. Riku squirms, claws, shrieks, but the man only laughs, thrusts deeper and Sora—Sora does nothing.

"N—No! No! Not you! Go away, get out, leave me alone!"

"Go away? Boy, this is my home. This island, this house, this darkness, this body you offer me, all these are mine. You gave the last up on that night so long ago, when you left yourself vulnerable to me, my sacrifice."

"I'm not—"

"You are," the man murmurs, leans in closer. "You are mine, my selfish boy, so arrogant, so afraid of your own weakness—but you are weak, and only I can make you strong."

"No you—"

"What do you think you can do, boy? I could take you in this moment, render you completely mine without any suffering or exertion, on my part at least. I will not though, because I do not need to. You will give yourself to me in the end. That is your nature: surrender. You and your black heart are already mine. The only question left is how long 'til you admit it and gain true strength, or else waste both our time wallowing in your present weakness." 

Riku's voice catches, the man digging his fingers into his hips and pounding into him. He owns him, owns all of him, took his heart and mind years ago on that dark and stormy night. Riku fights, fights so hard, but he knows he cannot win. Tears drip down his cheeks. Pleasure and pain both build inside his body. He'll be torn apart by them, taken by them and dragged into darkness. He can struggle and struggle, but he knows he doesn't have the strength to win.

But then he feels them—the arms around him, still holding on. Even as darkness eclipses all, the man and his amber eyes all he sees, his hands on him, his body burning inside Riku's, he can still feel the light behind him.

"Remember, Riku," Sora whispers. "Who you are, what you need, and the one you forgot."

And it's then Riku sees it, mind on the cusp of breaking.

He always thought he was strong, so unafraid of everything, so self-assured. His strength was so absolute, so important to who he was, that when he was hurt there was nothing he could do. He couldn't fear, because then everything would crumble and 'Riku' would cease to be. That was the weakness of his strength, that when danger came, Riku could not be hurt. Riku could not be weak. Riku had to be alone.

So on that dark and stormy night, when he reached out, he thought of Sora.

He did not think of himself.

He understands what he denies. He understands the truth. Alone, he does not have the strength to defeat this man.

But Riku is not alone. He reaches up and twines his arms with the ones wrapped around him, and turns his head into the crook of Sora's neck. "Help me Sora," he says, voice breaking. "Hold on to me."

He feels Sora smile. "Always, Riku."

It's not clear what happens next. The light in Sora's heart shines bright then bursts. The rays reach out, tangled with the light that reaches out from Riku's own heart, desperate tendrils knotted with darkness. Their combined light glows and burns and floods the room. The man gasps, drops Riku and stumbles back, the mass of shadows receding. What words he says are drowned in light, though Riku can see his lips moving, see his pain.

Sorrow snarls his heart as he watches the man fade back into darkness, as he meets his eye. It's strange to realize, but so much of who he is exists in that man. That man might even have known his pain, experienced it himself. So much of who Riku is was shaped by him too. 

But his hold over Riku is broken, and he failed to take him even at his strongest. Maybe that was the point of doing it now, and maybe it wasn't. He doesn't know.

Riku smiles and turns into Sora's embrace, weight tumbling from his shoulders. The light dims, but the darkness has faded too, and though the night is still strange and scary, he and Sora sit in a basement stairwell and not an endless pit of shadows.

"You figured it out," Sora says, patting his hair. "I knew you would."

"I didn't." Riku nuzzles closer. "I only realized it right at the end."

"That's okay. It's something that's hard to understand except when you're..." Sora trails off. Riku doesn't blame him. There aren't words to describe what he'd felt. There aren't words to describe what it took to get him to that point, that epiphany. There aren't even words to describe how he feels about defeating the man—defeating more than the man. Overwhelmed, filled entirely, he has drowned and defeated himself.

They sit for a while, for a long, long while until the light that comes creeping in through the trapdoor is more than just the lamps' flames. Dawn arrives, and with it the knowledge that they must get back to bed or else their mothers will scold them.

"Come on," Sora says. "Clothes."

They rise and dress. As they do Riku glances back down the stairs. He can see the bottom now, though not much else. "Where did the shadows go?"

"They're still there," Sora says, huffing as he pulls his shirt over his head, "just resting. They don't have as much power during the day. You don't have to worry though. Once someone is protected against them there's nothing they can do. They target those who stand alone—both the weak and the strong."

Riku hums. Sora's still talking, speaking deep truths he only half hears. His mind his on other things—the embers of warmth in his stomach. He's so out of it when Sora snaps his fingers, he squeaks. "Wah!"

"Thought so," Sora laughs. "Y'know, if you're thinking of, ah..." and even he has the decency to blush. "If you're thinking of coming back, you can. Like I said, you're protected, and they like the taste of light." He pauses, eyes crinkling. "I think some of the curious ones might even be saved, one day. By the bond we build, I mean."

Riku hums again, looks down once more. "And the man—will he come back?"

Arms wrap around him, gentle. "He'll never go, Riku. This is his home. Even if we come back though, he won't be able to use the darkness in your heart again. Together, or apart, I'll always be holding onto you, and you me. Our hearts are bound." Sora holds up their hands, fingers twined. "So we're safe!"

"Yeah," Riku smiles. It falters fast, though not from fear, but a different sort of trepidation born from the mischief in Sora's smile.

"But if you don't want to come back here, we can always...y'know," he wiggles his eyebrows and Riku flushes. Sora laughs. "I mean, it's not like we can't just take care of each other. You think I haven't learned a thing or two from the shadows?"

"Let's just go," Riku sighs, shaking his head. He lets Sora take the lantern in his free hand, still holding on to him as he leads him back up the stairs. They're both a little shaky, but otherwise okay for the moment. When they reach the top though, he pauses. "What would have happened, if I hadn't reached for you?"

Everything is still. It's quiet, no wind, the wood strangely silent for a tropical paradise filled with insects and birds.

Sora turns. His eyes are sad. "You were already fading," he says. "Every day that passed, every month, every year, I could feel you going away. I wanted to help you sooner but...people can't face these things until they're ready. I was worried you might try to do it alone too. If you had, or I'd been too slow..." He pauses, then smiles. It's not quite sweet. "Well no matter what, I would've come to see you. Every day and every night, for however long I lived, just to remind you what the light tastes like."

Riku swallows around the lump in his throat and holds Sora's hand tighter.

He says nothing, but he understands.

They sleep all through the next day and the next night. Riku wakes an hour before dawn, and when Sora knocks, he answers.

They sneak through town to their little boat, crossing over to the play island. It's still dark out, but Riku's not scared, not when he knows he can hold Sora's hand. They dock, and once ashore wander up to the tiny islet to watch the sun rise together. The night sky is already stained with pretty colors, rainbow light bleeding into the black. Riku thinks it needs it. It's how the night heals.

It's how he heals.

Hand in hand they sit on their tree and think of the day they'll have with their friends, with Kairi and all the others. Riku is at ease. His mind wanders, silly fancies flitting through it, like whether the sun is as bright as Sora's heart.

He wonders what the voice that spoke to Sora was. He doesn't think he'll ever know, but he wonders. He wonders what the balance of light and dark is like in his chest.

"Just right," Sora murmurs. "It's perfectly balanced. The light consumes the darkness, the darkness provides shelter from the light." He leans over and kisses his cheek. "You're beautiful Riku, and strong. We'll be okay."

Will we? Riku wonders. He decides they will. He's sure the ache will come back when what's happened settles in, but for now he's okay. And we'll get better, I promise.

They're quiet, just for a moment, and Riku thinks of all the things he wants to do. He thinks of their raft, waiting to be made, and their journeys, waiting to be had.

"Ready for our next adventure?" He asks aloud.

"Yeah," Sora says. "I think you're ready for anything, when you've figured it out."

"What the bravest thing is?" Riku murmurs.

"What the bravest thing is," Sora smiles, raises their hands, and kisses where their fingers are joined. "You know, don't you?"

Riku does.

"Hey Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Hold me, please."

Sora does.

They stay like that as the sun rises and fills the sky with light. Dawn comes to them and it's perfect; clear and warm, and bright.


End file.
